My friend Lana is living with dementia. And she loves to tell me the stories of “way back when”. In fact, she’s like 100% of my companions with dementia…they love to tell stories from their deep past, usually from their youth and early adulthood. And I on purpose lead them to tell those stories, because it brings them joy.
But back to my friend Lana. She tells me often about how she got married when she was 17, after having graduated from high school just a few months earlier. She got married because she’d fallen in love with a guy. But that first year of marriage was a challenging one. Her husband was set to return to college for his final year in his quest to become an educator.
But the year was 1950, and the Korean War was just ramping up. So, the Draft Board told him he shouldn’t return to college as his draft number was too high.
So shortly after they were married on August 2nd, they moved to the top floor of the Kansas farmhouse in which the new groom had grown up. And that’s where they lived for the first year of their marriage.
My friend has said, “it wasn’t easy, but we made the most of it.”
And I’ve thought about that. And it’s reminded me that life brings us many challenges we are not able to control. And I hope that I, like Lana, learn more and more how to “make the most of it”; to learn to weather through the ups and downs of life with resolve and tenacity, yet acceptance and grace.
I learn lessons from my companions with dementia. In fact, I’ve learned some of the most profound lessons of my life while spending time with my friends with dementia.
And I’m grateful: as I’m able to give them the gifts of security and well-being because I’ve learned how to do dementia well (see the DAWN method…thank you Judy Cornish), I give folks joy and beauty. And that’s what I receive in return. Amazing.
There is hope in dementia.
Grateful,
Jill
P.S. The rest of the story…Lana and her husband were able to return to his college the following year where he completed his degree in education. Lana also received a degree in education later in life, and served for decades as an elementary school teacher. They will celebrate 70 years of marriage this year, and speak often about how they are blessed. “We still have each other.” Yes, they are blessed.
