This is my beautiful friend Carol. I have had the honor of being her friend for just a bit more than a year.
She is a remarkable woman. A survivor, a Mom, a nurse, a musician. A friend and a partner. A protector and provider for animals in need of care.
She loves to tell me the story of being a kid in Pennsylvania during World War II. How the air raid sirens would begin to blare and the air raid warden, Barbara Clark, would run up and down their street and shout, “Get to your homes, get to your homes.” And the fear that she felt as she ran for her home, even though she wouldn’t understand for decades the reality of that fear.
And Carol likes for me to put two chairs side-by-side in the peaceful back yard that she landscaped years ago. We sit, shoulder-to-shoulder, and ponder the intuitive skills of animals, and we linger long while she shares more of her stories. Like the story about her father organizing a victory garden for the neighborhood. “My father, he was so smart. He organized all of the neighbors and they cleared out the woods at the end of our street. They planted a big garden, in sections. He told one neighbor to plant this thing, and another neighbor to plant another thing. It’s how we all survived and had something to eat.”
I am keenly interested each time she shares a story. I’ve heard them before, but it’s ok. Carol is doing the best she can with the increasingly limited cognitive skills she has.
You see, Carol has advancing dementia, but it doesn’t make a difference in our friendship. I accept her and love her exactly as she is, in the very moments I am honored to share with her.
Last week, she played her piano while I was spending time with her. It was the first time I had heard her play. I sat in a chair right next to her piano bench and watched as she entered into the beauty of her own heart; a heart unfettered by the cognitive clutter she can no longer hold onto. I listened, and was deeply moved.
“Music is my best friend”, she said.
There is beauty in dementia. I’ve seen it. I’ve felt it. And I am forever changed.
Listen, watch, and enjoy:
With gratitude for all of my brave friends with dementia,
Jill
© Jill Couch
Thank you so much for this Jill. I too have known Carol, but for over 9 years. I knew the same Carol with just a little more pep in her step, I’ve lost some too, and have heard some of her stories. She loves animals more than life itself and is always helping just one more, I am in awe. I love being around Carol, she is a good friend and has not forgotten who I am as she has forgotten so many others. For this I am eternally grateful. She has a wonderful partner who has sacrificed so much but has nevere ceased caring and loving her best friend. She loves to spend time in her back yard, a lot of which she created and cared for, it is a landscapers dream. She is indeed brave and I hope that I will have so many more days knowing this remarkable woman.
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