People with dementia sometimes get VERY angry.  And it is no fun for them, or for those of us with them.  And it seems like no matter how hard we try, we struggle to help them get un-angry.  We both end up frustrated and unhappy and feeling hopeless.

So it goes when we don’t understand some of the frequent triggers for folks living with dementia.  When we understand a bit about dementia, the anger they express becomes easier to understand…and easier to prevent.

For example, if our folks with dementia are unable to hear us and understand what we’re saying, and they want to hear us and understand what we’re saying, they WILL get frustrated, and very quickly become angry.  They are not angry at us, per se; they are angry at the fact that we are speaking in a way that prevents them from keeping up.  

Try this: put ear plugs in your ears, then get on your phone with a friend where one of you has bad cell phone connection.  Then try to have a conversation.  You won’t be able to hear well (many of our folks with dementia are also hard of hearing), and the bad connection will make it impossible for you to understand the whole of the conversation.  Most of us will become frustrated in a matter of moments, and then we will either blow up and hang up, or give up and hang up.  

This is what it’s like for folks with dementia, most of the time.  They rarely hear well, and because their brains work slower than they once did, they can’t keep up and will only hear part of conversations.  So, voila!  It should be no surprise, then, that they become angry.

But we can often prevent this anger quite easily.  Phew!!

First, make sure you are speaking loudly enough that the person can hear you.  Usually that means that I am sitting or standing quite close to my friend with dementia AND making eye contact with them so they know that I am speaking with them.  And for sure, watch your approach; if they are sitting, I sit.  If they are standing, I stand.  If they are kneeling on the floor, I kneel with them.  Get on their same level to breed a sense of equality in the relationship, but also because they will hear us better.

Then, speak slowly enough that folks have the best chance of hearing and comprehending most of what we are saying.  Just because they have dementia does not mean that their brain is not hungry for information.  They want to remain part of what’s going on in their world, but their brain is slower to take in and process information, so we must speak slowly, and articulate well. 

As I suggested in last week’s blog, our folks with dementia need us to manage the environment to help it be dementia friendly.  Simply doing our best so they can hear what we are saying (Speak loud enough.  Speak slow enough.  Articulate well. Make eye contact.) is a sure way to decrease some of their frustration, and thus, ours too.  It’s a win-win.  

Honored to speak up (and speak slowly and speak clearly) on behalf of my friends with dementia,

Jill

©Jill Couch, MS, OT/L