Prestige: n. “the respect and admiration that someone gets for being successful or important”

My guess is that most folks would not say that they have earned the term “prestige”.  We might think of this term attached to the notion of notoriety or fame or power.  But per Merriam Webster, it is more simple than that.

Every person wishes to feel “successful”, and even more so, “important”.  This remains absolutely true for every one of my companions who are living with dementia…. they wish to feel important.

Because of the cognitive skills being lost to dementia, folks become less able to pursue activities they once did that helped them feel important.  This is less about physical ability, and more about the inability to plan an activity or plan to attend an activity; the diminishing ability to remember when activities are happening and where, and how to get there.  

But their emotional need to feel important remains.  In fact, we get dementia right when we tend to the intuitive self, and meet the emotional needs created by dementia.  This need becomes more important, and requires more skill than meeting physical needs, and is the biggest gap in senior care today.

This is where we as a society come in.  Every senior care professional, and citizens in general, need to begin to understand this fact: when dementia makes cognitive skills ineffective and inefficient, we must meet the emotional needs.

So how do we do this?  Well, we learn how to get dementia care right, for starters.  And then we remember this: it is imperative that we meet the emotional needs created by the loss of cognitive skill .

And how to do this?  It begins with the Power of Prestige…helping our companion with dementia (and those without dementia) feel that they are important.

And how do we help folks feel important?  The most powerful strategy I have found is that we listen well.  Every person finds meaning in telling their stories from their lives, especially from their time as a youth and young adult.  We need to remember that the world of someone with dementia becomes quite narrow.  Trips across the country or across the world are no longer possible.  Monthly dinner bridge clubs no longer happen because folks lose the ability to plan and gather their friends, and many of their friends have passed away or moved to be near their kids.  

Listening well means we patiently listen to their stories from long ago, even if we hear them fifteen times during our two-hour visit.  

Listening well means we slow down, sit down, breath deep, and listen, even though it will likely take a while for folks to share their stories.  And we do not act impatient or frustrated.  

Listening well might mean that we hire someone like Better People Care to provide that patient companionship.  It is okay if a family member is not able to sit and listen and have the quiet and patient presence necessary to bring a sense of importance.  But the need still remains, and folks do better when they feel like their life matters.

Our older folks and those living with dementia deserve for us to help them feel important.  They deserve for us to listen well, and help them feel like their life did, and still does, matter.

Honored to listen well,

Jill

©Jill Couch