Two people have told me recently, “learning to get it right with dementia is like learning a new language.”

If you have ever traveled to another country where the people speak a different language and you do not speak that language, you know the uneasy feeling and clumsy struggle of navigating your way.

So it is with dementia until we learn the language. 

I have gone through this very process; before learning the DAWN Method, I was a well-intentioned Occupational Therapist bumbling my way through dementia care.  It was not very fun.  I loved folks well, but working with people with dementia was still unpredictable, and often unpleasant.  

Now, I know better, and I am so very relieved.  Now, I know how to set up and manage the environment so that my companion with dementia feels secure; where we reduce the likelihood of failures and enhance the chance for experiencing good.  I know that setting up the environment this way is up to me, that my companion with dementia is losing the ability to manage their own environment.  I know that it is possible to create situations in which my companions with dementia experience life as rich with meaning and enjoyment.  That when they become anxious or sad or frustrated with their failing skills, I can be with them in those moments, share their sorrow or frustration, and lovingly and gently help them return to a more steady place.  That when the world brings them anxiety or failure or unhappiness, I can be with them and minimize the negative impact of what they cannot control.  

I know now that providing good dementia care requires that I tap into the intuitive side of myself, which allows me to join in the intuitive world in which my friend increasingly lives.  It means that I am learning how to be in the moment, how to experience the details of what I can see, like the streaks of color in the innermost part of a flower petal.  Like the contrast of the deep blue and the stark white of a partly cloudy day.  I am learning to breathe more deeply when I smell the fragrance of Spring.  That I stop and listen to the birds in the morning; that I hug more tightly and with more sincerity.  That I slow down and savor the flavors in a favorite meal.

I tell folks who are embarking on the journey of learning the new language of getting it right with dementia, “when you get good at this, it will change your life.”

I am changed.  And forever grateful for the privilege of learning the new language of dementia done well.

Sincerely,

Jill

 ©Jill Couch