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Creating Rich Sensory and Social Experiences for Those Experiencing Dementia

Part 12: Sharing Stories

Three weeks before my friend L drew her last breath, I sat right beside her, face-to-face, and told her, in her own words, the story of how she first met her husband when she was just fifteen years old, but she had told him she was sixteen. 

I told her story slowly, in a clear and loud enough voice, and as I shared, her eyes lit up, and I knew I was touching her life, her history. It is a funny story, experienced by my friend over seventy-three years prior.  She was well beyond the ability to tell me this story on her own, so what a privilege to draw her into her own meaningful history. I could do this because I committed her memories and stories to my own memory.

It is a misunderstanding that we necessarily lose our loved ones to dementia before they die.  We can keep a close, soul-to-soul relationship with our companions by memorizing their stories and being ready to share them back with them when they become unable to.  Those stories often will include us as family and friends.  I realize this may sound a bit one-sided — that they are the only ones benefiting from our efforts to memorize and recite their stories.  But because of how it impacts them at a soul level, we experience soul connection, and in that way, we do not lose them to dementia.

So, those stories from their life they keep telling you over and over and over?  Try not to be frustrated or bored with these repetitive stories because: 

1. First, they are stories that were important to them.  We know this because these memories have stuck in their mindwhile many memories fade.  Sidenote: If you watch them closely while they are sharing their stories, you can see them watching those memories in their minds eyes as they recite them to you.  It’s pretty fascinating to watch! 
2. Second, they tell these stories because reciting these memories is one thing they can still do.  As they lose cognitive skills, they experience stress.  But reciting their favorite stories feels safe and successful. 

So try to listen with interest and memorize the stories in their own words. Someday, you will have the privilege of connecting with their souls as you bring them back to their own memories.