I have been surprised by a few things in caring for my dad — specifically, the impact of what I call “anticipatory grief”; knowing that I won’t forever be spending time with my dad.
I won’t forever be reading him the articles I think he might like from the newspaper, his military magazines, or farming and ranching journals.
I won’t go with him to his church men’s group forever.
There will be a day when I won’t smell him, rub his fuzzy head, or get one of his good hugs.
There is a lump in my throat as I write because the anticipation of what I think I might feel when he dies is really, well, scary. I’m not 100% sure that I will be okay. Even though watching him lose his abilities is hard, I also don’t want to consider life without him.
So this has surprised me: the fear and sadness that already grip my heart in waves as some part of me anticipates the day he draws his last breath.
I can very much relate to this article. The anticipatory grief that you described was exactly how I felt. Time with our parents is SO special. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, Jennifer! Time is so special ❤️