I never got to meet him. But I had the privilege of getting to know his wife and daughters as I coached them in The DAWN Method, and along his dementia journey.
His family remained powerfully committed to him, his well-being, and his quality of life. Their journey was not easy, and it was impacted by his own difficult journey, especially in regards to quality of life.
It has been interesting to watch some folks who were incredibly capable, dynamic, and accomplished in life, and then dementia hits.
For some people, time with those they love, being comfortable and clean, enjoying food they like, and just enough activities they enjoy is enough quality of life to keep them desiring to live.
For others, it seems that a diminished life becomes impossible to reconcile, and the quality of life takes such a steep turn that life becomes untenable.
This is how it went for this man. His journey could not be reconciled with his version of quality of life, so for months, he expressed his desire to die.
Goodness, what a difficult thing for a family to hear…that your loved one wishes to die. And so tough to not take it personally, that you are not enough for them to wish to continue living. I can only imagine.
I am also sensitive to the reality that the quality of life is different for everyone. And some people want a life that is not in line with their version of quality to simply end.
In the final hours of his life, he asked his family to let him go. He refused food and drink. He refused to engage. He was ready.
For this man, I wish him peace. To his family, I say, “Well done. You loved well and cared well. And it wasn’t because of you that your loved one wished to be gone from this life. In fact, I suspect it was you who kept him in this life as long as he lived.”
Deep breath.
