We called him Mr. Charming. Even in his last days, he would have moments where he would stop and compliment someone on their pretty sweater or nice shirt, with his sideways smile and attentive eyes. He loved to share stories about his days as a Colorado A&M University football player and his time with the National Forest Service. He was most proud to speak about his family and the time they shared in nature, and together.
His journey in dementia was rather peaceable, living in his own home with his wife of sixty-plus years and his beloved kitties until he fell and broke his arm, which necessitated a move into a care facility.
His journey there represented some of the worst care I’ve witnessed. And his journey was evidence of what I believe was a lengthy season in a state of terminal restlessness. I’ve observed this before with some people experiencing dementia…a long stay in the place of terminal restlessness. It’s hard to watch: persistent restlessness, persistent discomfort, increasing confusion. I have observed that if we can just help these folks get to a place of comfort, they relax easily into end of life…because that’s what they are ready for. And that is exactly what happened with this gentleman…once he was comfortable, end of life came in just a few hours.
There is a great deal of misunderstanding about dementia. We are forever advocates for people experiencing dementia, because of what they teach us and what they show us. Mr. Charming showed us that he was just not comfortable, emotionally and physically, for a good long while, and all he wanted was comfort. Once he had comfort, his body and soul could do what it had been showing it was ready to do…be released from this life and the struggle it brought.
Be at peace, Mr. Charming. It was good to know you.
