We all feel valued, and part of life, when we are heard.  The same is true for people living with dementia.

But, changes in language are one of the common symptoms of dementia and change the way folks communicate.  

For some folks, they have increasing trouble remembering people’s names, which is embarrassing and contributes to social failures.  Or maybe they are unable to remember the detail of a story they want to share.   Or they might call an object the wrong thing:  “Hand me that, that, that bag over there”, while pointing to the jar of jam. Other folks take longer to put the thoughts together, then take longer to put the words together, to say what it is they are wanting to say.  

Still, every person with dementia wishes to have the opportunity to speak, and to be heard.

The problem is that those of us with healthy brains are often not quiet enough, often enough, or long enough, for them to say what they want to say.  

So pretty soon, they give up trying.  This has terrible consequences, where folks may end up living quiet, minimally engaged lives.  Or, they get angry.  It does not have to be this way.

Those of us with healthy brains can and should use our healthy brains to decide to be more quiet more often; to hear what our companion with dementia wants to say.  We should be quiet more often and patiently wait while they get the chance to share their full thought.  We should show them we are interested in what they have to say by nodding and smiling and matching their emotion, maybe saying an occasional “huh”, or “interesting” while they share and then make a comment that sums up their stories and lets them know we heard them.   Something like, “gosh, it seems like your mom was sure a strong lady,” after they have shared their whole story.  

Our companions with dementia want to be heard.  Being quiet enough to hear well takes practice, and effort, and re-training.  But those of us with healthy brains should be able to tweak our habits…we do have healthy brains after all.  

Ever the advocate,

Jill

©Jill Couch