Our good friend Carol passed away this week, surrounded by friends and family. Her best friend and care partner loved her through the dementia journey, in their own home, until her last week of life when inpatient hospice was the way to help her be comfortable.
Carol was a remarkable woman; an accomplished musician, a mom of six, one who earned her nursing degree later in life. She was a lover of animals with an eye for rescuing those in need and giving them a loving home. She also was always happy to place her soft, loving hands around mine to warm my persistently cold hands. In fact, this was a dementia specialist strategy I used on purpose; it allowed her to get a boost in her sense of value while warming up my hands, and we both got the benefit of touch.
It was just about 4 weeks ago that I helped Carol get to her piano bench, where she played a bit and commented that the piano needed to be tuned. Her ability to play her piano proficiently was diminishing, but it was not too long ago that she would play her piano and her soul would become one with the music. As I sat nearby and listened, my life was changed by the privilege I had of being in that very moment with my special friend, listening to the beautiful music she made.
Recently, I was able to help Carol walk out onto the patio of her beloved back yard; a yard she had landscaped herself and transformed into an oasis of peace, a place where all of her cats, her dog, her two ducks, and the humans breathed a bit deeper. We sat in the sun and chatted and chuckled. It didn’t matter that her language and understanding were limited; she felt good and we were just friends enjoying our moments together.
Carol and I spent a lot of time sitting close by one another; her in her recliner, me in a kitchen chair I placed nearby so that she could clearly hear me. We shared her favorite stories, me increasingly becoming the storyteller, as her ability to recall and recite her stories diminished. We would read our favorite book about animal stories; it didn’t matter that it was technically a children’s book; we were just enjoying happy moments together.
It was an honor to know Carol and bring dementia specialist care for her final few years. I will miss my time with her. I will miss my favorite hand warmer, and I will miss watching how this “gift of warming my hands” would bring a smile to her face. The gifts she gave me were profound and will remain in my heart.
“Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”- Alfred Tennyson
Grateful,
Jill
©Jill Couch
WOW, Jill!!! What a wonderful tribute to our dear Carol!!! Thank you! ❤️
Dear Jill,
I have told you before that you are a remarkable woman, and I will tell you again. The gifts you gave Carol are innumberable. And I know there were many times when you were not sure you would make it. But you did. Well done, friend. Well done. Now enjoy your days and live well and live strong. That’s what Carol would want. With admiration, Jill
Thank you so much for your support to mom, Jill and us over the past few years. You have my heartfelt gratitude. It was a blessing to hold mom’s hand and provide love and comfort in her final days and I can only imagine the joyful reunion with her parents, sisters, grandmother, and dear friends.
Kindest Regards and Sincere Thanks,
Kim
Dear Kim, it was my honor to know your Mom, to walk along the final years of her dementia journey. An honor to help Jill endure the process. Your Mom was a woman worthy of the very best; she changed my life. May God give you comfort and peace as you move forward. I know your Mom is with you always. Sincerely, Jill
What a beautiful tribute to a special lady !
She was a gem. What we do to help people finish well….gosh I’m humbled. Thank you for being such an important of what we are doing. Sincerely, Jill
a poignant and powerful share. Thank you.
Carol, or just Mom to me, was my hero and often my salvation. She was a women of sacrifice and of service to others. I am her oldest son and remember very early on as a foundation and anchor when things became stormy. Our Father abandoned us and her with 4 children with no support (no child support or anything). It was few months before my third birthday and we moved in with my aunt Eileen for a few months, before moving into a roach and rodent infested 3rd floor apartment at 34th and Chestnut in center city Philadelphia. She, without a diploma walked 8 city blocks (bitter winters and blistering summers) to Graduate Hospital (now Penn University hospital) as a billing clerk. She would come home and hand nearly half her income to a woman who watched us while she was at work. We often hear the term “the strength of a women”. My Mom was the very definition of this phrase. She remarried and managed through lean times as winter would curtail my stepfathers occupation as a union carpenter.
I learned my work ethic from her and my stepfather and she would often bring me a covered plate as a teenager working late into the night fixing cars and pumping gas. She was my solace when dealing with a broken heart or dealing with everyday life. Many an evening sitting at the kitchen table over cups of tea and talking it out. Who needs a psychologist when you have a mom such as this? Her greatest gift to me was her faith in God and ensured we went to church every Sunday and to Catholic School for the first 5 years of my education. She had one dress that she wore every Sunday and sang in the choir. Her faith seed planted in each of her children grew and blossomed. Her greatest gift.
I owe everything that I am to this amazing women. My love and talent in music, my morale compass, my faith in God, and my loving example to follow as a parent.
I held your hand as you passed way as you held mine though every turmoil in my life. Even though you are gone from this world, you are always with me, guiding me through life decisions. I love you Mom… Big Hug!!!!
Dear Mark, thank you for your message. I am glad to know even more about your remarkable Mom. I knew she was remarkable from what I came to know of her simply being with her, but it is nice to hear more details. She touched my life (and the lives of my team members who also had the privilege of spending time with her) in profound ways. Her piano playing, her back yard, her humor, her kindness, and much more…she was a special lady. May God bring you peace and comfort in the days ahead; I know she will be in your heart always. Sincerely, Jill