When my dad brushes his teeth, he turns on both the cold and the hot water. After he is done brushing his teeth and rinsing off his chin, he turns on just the cold water, fills his cup, and takes a drink of water.
As I memorize and work with his rhythm and his way of doing things, he does not experience stress, and neither do I. If I were to brush his teeth my way, for the sake of speeding things up or efficiency, I would disregard his dignity and interrupt his muscle memory (Mindlessness tools per the DAWN Method), causing him stress and ending up disabling his ability to participate in brushing his teeth.
Our friend Em likes to mix her cornbread muffin mix in a blender. When she needs to blend eggs, she also uses her blender. Of course, this takes longer and is not as simple as a fork in a bowl, but it is her way of doing things. So we do this her way. She experiences no stress, and neither do we.
The DAWN Method taught us how to work with dementia; that when we honor and understand the life and rhythm and changing cognitive skills and changing emotional needs of someone experiencing dementia, we can avoid much of the stress and instead experience hope, beauty, and good.
